The last couple of days we’ve had several people leaving.
We are slowly coming to the end of the coliving season. It is bitter sweet.
As our local taxi driver, Colin, waited for yet another coliver to bring their bags around he told me” The last person I drove to the station was quite sad. I thought they would cry”.
I am quite ashamed to admit that the emotion that overcame me was relief. My first thought: I’m glad. I sure hope they are sad to leave.
I immediately felt guilty of course. How can I wish for someone to be sad?
But what is sadness if not a proof of happy times left behind?
The truth is, I am sad too. It is hard to understand at times. I am sad to see these people I knew nothing about 2 weeks ago leave.
I know I say…
… and I stand by it. But 2 weeks is enough to feel a connection if it is meant to be.
Sad to leave, excited to go
After 20+ goodbyes this year, we noticed two patterns.
People leaving to get on with their next adventure.
They tend to be sad to go but also excited to discover something new. Digital Nomads are like that after all: they crave a feeling of home and belonging but can’t stand staying put too long or feeling trapped.
People going back “home”
They seem to be less excited, as they often have to leave because of deadlines, meetings, family, finances, or other obligations.
Then of course you have the ones who are happy to leave because they just did not like it here, but we don’t seem to have many people who experience that thank Goddess.
It is harder for those who stay
It is said that departures are always harder on the people who stay behind.
I think that would be true for us if we were not living our dream, day in and day out.
If we were not still surrounded by other people.
If we did not have new colivers joining, new adventures to live with them.
If we did not have projects coming up.
Not to say that it does not get hard. It is emotionally draining to say goodbye to people whose company you enjoy.
It is both fascinating and tiring to observe the change of dynamic new people bring, to adjust and go with the flow, always.
It also demands a new kind of discipline to repeat some of the same things over and over trying to keep the same energy and excitement each new coliver deserves.
That is why it is also a good thing that we have to switch gear in April and move into our event season. It makes us long for Coliving again come November.
“I will be back”
Most of them say they will. And I fully trust they mean it.
But I also know there is a 50-50% chance they won’t.
Life is what happens when you are busy making plans after all. A lot can happen in a year.
Digital nomads discover new colivings, remote workers have to prioritize their weeks away, a new project pops up, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, a trip across the world, a love at first sight on a beach in Thailand… so many reasons that would prevent someone to come back to us. And that is ok.
It makes the actual coming back that much sweeter.
Having someone come back feels like welcoming a family member. They know where things are, they know the drill. They have a bond with us which allows them to “bypass” the tiny awkward bit of arriving in a space where everyone is new on the first night.
Sometimes they don’t come back but they send someone. We feel immense gratitude to see many of our alumni have told their friends about us.
Sharing your friend is the greatest proof of trust.
Tip for coliving owners:
keep in touch - start building an alumni network - Create ways to stay connected, whether it is via your slack channel or WhatsApp, but also ways for colivers to stay in touch. K9 Coliving Community has an alumni newsletter every 3 months sending updates about each other’s lives for example. It can be as simple as creating WhatsApp group per cohort or an alumni slack channel per season.
Say Happy Birthday - If you happen to know colivers birthday, make a note of it in your calendar and either send out a personal message on the day or have an automation ready. It does not take much but it means a lot.
Remind them of the good times: we have a “180 days later” email sent to our alumni. Yes, we use our Cuttness manager on purpose.
Make it easy to come back. If you are seasonal like us, have your next season ready before your current one ends. Make it possible for colivers to reserve their spot for next season before they even leave the house. Have your bookings open and your dates and room ready.
Protect yourself. That sounds rough but in the same way that you have to pick your battles, you need to be mindful of how much of yourself you are going to pour into a new relationship. Some will be wonderful and fleeting, and that’s ok. Some will resist the test of time, and that’s a rare gift. Just be mindful of how much you can give one specific person without taking away from the others.
It does not mean some people are better than others, it is just a reminder that coliving is life at a 1.5 speed.
Thanks for reading!
You could share this with a friend (or an enemy).