I am sitting on the couch with the other residents.
Patrick, a very tall singer-songwriter, and Anatolia, a smaller storyteller, are on the make-chief stage by the fire.
We’re all waiting. Excitement is in the air.
The couple has been with us for two months now and every Monday they have gotten together to work on songs. Not just any songs. Songs that come together to tell a story.
And tonight, one of their last night with us, they are gifting their very first performance.
I will not even try to explain how wonderful that performance was. You had to be there.
But as I looked around, singing with the rest of the group, eyes filled with wonder, waiting eagerly to hear the end of the story, I realized, this was it. This was the moment.
The Moment
I still remember My moment. It’s very precious to me. It took several months. I loved my shared house from day 8, but what I felt at that moment made me realize I was experiencing something else.
A moment when time stands still, when you are both fully present and yet aware that something rare is happening, a moment you savor like a caramel candy.
It is that moment that reminds you how beautiful the experience of living with others is. What it can bring and what it can give when everything falls into place and delivers… this special gem.
It will be different for everyone but research shows (mine at least), that it takes on average 2 months for people to completely let go of the mask and armor, feel a sense of ownership of the space, and be vulnerable enough to let the magic in.
Minimum stays
New coliving owners dread the idea of a minimum stay and yet they are told repeatedly by the old hand ones that it is a must for Community building.
Great, but when you start, like us last year, you don’t have a community to bond together yet. So anyone willing to stay for a weekend seems like a good candidate.
1 week
1 week is the absolute minimum. 1 week is just enough time to unpack your luggage and figure out which one is your favorite cup.
2 weeks
2 weeks seems to be a period most coliving agree on. As many places have weekly schedules you are feeling more at ease as the second week starts and know what to expect.
1 month
A few coliving out have decided on 1-month minimum stay. Such as Chateau Coliving, Anceu Coliving, or Palma Coliving which cleverly puts it:
It’s like building a puzzle – each day adds a piece, and by the end of the month, you have a clear picture of the collective spirit.
ps: I am talking here about destination colivings that host mostly digital nomads and remote workers. You will find a wider range of minimum stays in Residential colivings (between 3 months and 1 year usually).
At this stage, Anceu Coliving is the only Coliving I know of that had to set a maximum stay as people never seemed to want to leave and they had to close for the winter. That is when you know you are doing a great job I guess.
Never enough
1 month is great. I think if anyone can commit to a month it’s a massive milestone. Especially for people like digital nomads who love to move around a lot. And even more so if you have never been to that coliving before and just want to give it a try.
However, in our experience, the sweet spot is 2.
It takes about 60 days to form a new habit. 66 to be exact (according to serious research). And I imagine it is about the same with getting used to a new environment because somehow, it is only after at least 6 weeks with us that I notice the shift. People experiencing the moment. Their moment.
And that can only happen when:
they know where things are and how things are done
They do not feel like “the new kid” anymore
They have established routines (on their own and together with others)
When they have contributed to something for the space and/or the group and received from it too
Just like Maslow reminds us, it takes getting our basic needs covered before we can get the “Eureka moment”.
That being said…
All colivings are different. Best to learn by doing and explore what your own minimum stay should be. Chances are, people will extend their stay anyway!
So you are changing the minimum stay to two months? 😁
On a cynical note, it also take a month for people to start getting annoyed at things (no research says).