The Effort that is Effortlessness
As a coliver, do you ever look at the on-site coliving owner/manager and tell yourself: “They’re mostly socializing, I would kill for that job!”
It does not look like work!
“What a dream job to be paid to live with friends”
- That was me back in 2018 after a year of living at K9 Coliving and trying to figure out a way to make a living, coliving.
Fast forward 5 years and here I am, running my own coliving space.
Plot twist: it might not LOOK like work but it sure FEELS like it at times. Regardless of how much you enjoy what you do.
Part of the truth is, that what was once “not work” (having fun with friends) could now technically be seen as “work”. That is extremely confusing and it takes time to figure out what is truly expected of you and what is needed for your own mental health.
The other part of the truth is, that it rarely looks like work because running a house is the most invisible job of all.
Generations of women and housewives will surely agree. It is “difficult” for the naked eye to see it because it does not “resemble” what we call “work”. It is everything many of us have always taken for granted. I know because I took it for granted. A clean home, food on the table, heating, electricity, wifi, fresh sheets and towels, emptied trash bins, weekly activities…
It is so invisible that it is completely normal to have “another” job alongside it.
I am very lucky. I do not have a full-time job on the side, just a part-time one. I also have a partner who does so incredibly much for the space.
But the thing is…
When the heating system breaks, when a light bulb flickers, when the water is cold or stops running, when there is a leak, when the oven does not turn on, when the washing machine is stuck, when the bins are overfilling, when the dishwasher doesn’t clean, when we are out of double sheets, when the wifi stops wifing, when it rains so much the stream floods…
Then people are cold, worried, upset, frustrated, restless, disappointed…
and that is emotionally overwhelming. Because it is OUR JOB to create an “effortless experience”.
The Art of Knowing When.
You need to be very strict and honest with yourself about what needs to be done by you and what can be delegated. About when you can ask for help, when you can accept help, and when you need to figure it out on your own. And quick.
That will obviously vary depending on the kind of space and community you wish to create/run.
People often say they want to help. And more often than not, they mean it and are indeed super helpful. I can’t recall every time I thought, “Damn, thank god for that coliver taking care of that”.
But people come and go. People get busy. People have their own shit to deal with. People also pay to be here.
So this is how we do it (for now):
Things we absolutely delegate:
activities. We suggest some, especially at the beginning, to give momentum, but we are clear from the start that we are not entertainers. We all entertain each other. And it works really well.
workshops. Same as above, Anton and I run our own but we make a lot of space for the colivers to share their own skills and run masterminds.
shared food. We really care about eating dinner together. But it is a rota. Anyone choosing to join is responsible for feeding the house one night of the week (depending on how many we are).
Things we try and delegate to colivers for the sake of community
cleaning (delegate to professionals!!)
recycling (we try our best to explain the rules of recycling in the county and always remind everyone when it is time to take the rubbish out, asking for help to bring everything out).
dishes (usually, whoever did not cook does the dishes, but it happens quite often that the cooks are cleaning right after themselves).
tidying (we are not anal about leaving personal items in the shared spaces, after all, this is a shared home, but it is everyone’s responsibility to make sure the space still looks inviting throughout the week).
Space set up feedback - (We sometimes get great ideas from colivers to move things around and if we agree that it will be better in the long run we ask for their help making it happen).
changing sheets (when colivers arrive they of course get a freshly made bed. But throughout the course of their stay, whenever they want to change their sheets, I’ll take care of the wash, they’ll take care of putting their new sheets on).
I believe it is important to have small expectations from the colivers to participate. It helps people care more about the space, it’s empowering for them and it builds community faster. Zero expectations or tasks will make you a hotel more than a Home.
Things we sometimes try and delegate if there is a will from the community to contribute knowing it’s on us to lead
small/quick repairs (if they are skilled at it and happy to do it)
veg garden work (people tend to love doing that, getting their hands dirty!)
energy saving ideas (that’s oddly specific but 2 wonderful colivers did a full light bulb audit at Selgars and came back with recommendations - How lucky!)
Things we do not* delegate:
workflows - From the moment people show interest in staying with us until they arrive they are in touch with either me or Anton. No one else.
pre-scheduled messages - Yes they are pre-scheduled, but they are all written with love by me.
routines - Little rituals like Sunday pancakes are something I want to do, and I really love offering to the community. It brings people together in a different way than dinners and gives a routine to the week.
big/urgent/comfort threatening and/or smelly repairs.
*You can still welcome feedback and receive help of course. (Our onboarding video came to life thanks to our colivers). But this is your responsibility through and through.
Don’t bring work home
The most important and the most challenging bit for me.
Home is work. Work is Home. Colivers are housemates, housemates are “clients”, and “clients” are friends.
it will come and go. some periods, some people, and some dynamics will be easier to navigate than others. You’ll also have your own things to deal with, that will make you more or less available or patient.
When you become frustrated or just plain tired, use all that remaining energy to not hold it against “them”.
When you are with the colivers, be with them. Fully, all heartedly.
When you are doing laundry, do laundry. All heartedly. Not as something you have to do for them but as something you have to do for your business. The same goes for every other task.
At the end of the day, if it looks easy, you’re doing great.
If it doesn’t, you’re just keeping it real.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. More importantly, remind yourself of the reasons you chose to do this.
No later than last night, laughing my ass off after dinner, chatting away with beautiful people.
Meeting a new friend at 9 pm.
No later than this morning, stepping outside my door at 6:30 am to stroll around the field with the dog.
That is not work. That is a privilege.
The usual disclaimer that this is coming from inside my head based on personal past experiences. You might relate, or you might not. I’m not talking about anyone in particular unless I talk about me. Which I do a lot. I know.
Thanks for reading! You could share this with a friend (or an enemy).