Mistake #3: Running a Coliving is like living in a coliving

I can still see the scene.

I'm in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, talking to Flow. We’re talking about coliving. What else?

I'm telling him how much I love doing things for the community, caring for it, and how I dream of turning this into a job someday.
He encourages me.

This is not the moment but this is the kitchen, and Flow is in this picture so good enough.

That is probably around the time I stopped dreaming about running my own coliving and decided it would happen. I imagined how I would decorate, how I would welcome people, and how happy we would all be and bond forever.

How hard can it be? Take a bunch of cool people, give them sheets, a room, and the internet, and watch the magic happen.

Turns out… VERY.

[This piece is specifically about running a destination coliving for stays from two weeks to a few months.]

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FROM FRIENDS TO GUESTS

whether you like it or not, you are “the boss” now.

In your “coliver” experience, you are one of the pack.

As an owner, everything changes. Of course, you are still participating, forming genuine connections, and having fun. But in the back of your head, you can never truly let go of the fact that you are responsible for these people’s experiences.

You are providing. A successful stay depends mainly on you and the services you offer, or lack thereof, the vibe you create, the crowd you gather, and the rules you enforce. Or not.

Of course, you can still make friends—great ones. At our wedding in August, we had five guests who we met while running Selgars. But often, these friendships will benefit from people moving out and visiting instead. The plan levels out.

5 of these people I got to know through Seasons 1 & 2 of Selgars Coliving. And here they are, at my wedding.

FROM HOUSEMATE TO LANDLORD

As a coliver, of course, you offer to help out here and there, but the main issues (the hot water is not hot, the heating is not heating, the bath leaks, the dishwasher isn’t washing, a tree fell on the car…) are things you will go to the owner/Community manager for.

Well, now you are that person. And it shows you a whole new side of coliving. There is always something to fix. No matter how hard you try or how much you paint, staple, plaster, cut, and glue. Wear and tear can really tear you apart physically and emotionally. If you are anything like me, every flaw your building shows, you see it as a reflection of you. Every time someone says something, your heart skips a beat, and at the end of the day, you are filled with guilt and a to-do list of the length of your arm.

Being a coliving owner unlocks new fears: WTF is this and why is it blinking red?

PRIORITIES CHANGE

As much as you care about your people, it would help to stay financially afloat.

That means that while your priority is the well-being of your guests, it is also the well-being of your bank account. So you can keep doing what you love, feed yourself, and fix the building flaws mentioned above.

It’s the Coliving version of the chicken and egg dilemma.
We need to fix some things. We need people to stay so we can earn money to fix these things, and we need to fix these things so people actually want to stay (and come back).

It also means that if you are successful and create beautiful bonds with your colivers, you have to…

MI CASA ES SU CASA…

We often say that, but the truth is, it is only to a certain point.

I have a passion for the concept of Home. I have been researching and writing about it for years now. And it is not just about romance. It also has to do with ownership, both financial and emotional.

Most people will respect the space because this is who they are. They will care because they truly understand the concept of community living. But it does not matter how good people are, at the end of the day this is an impermanent situation. This house is not their Home. They cannot decide to repaint, and they do not have the power to decide whether to get chickens.

They can definitely have an impact, but it will be decided with you first. And that will always reflect in the way they behave in the space.

This is not to say that people will not feel at home in your space. A sense of Home can appear in many places, with many people, at a given time. And that is the magic you aim to create. A temporary home for people to experience in your forever home.
Once you understand and accept that people will never feel exactly how you do about the space, it should become easier to run it. They have been for me, at least.

YOU’RE ALWAYS THE ONE STAYING BEHIND

It is said to be more challenging for those who stay. I'm not sure what it is based on. I love my home, so I don’t know that I agree fully, but in the context of seasonal coliving, it takes its toll.

People come through your home; some will return, and some won’t. Many will meet again somewhere else, and you will remain the custodian of the space where these relationships are born.

Social exhaustion is a real thing. How often can one say “goodbye” or “Welcome” with the same enthusiasm?

I still have the enthusiasm—the excitement—to make a temporary home for new people. And I still get sad when people I learned to love leave.

I have to admit,, though, that I don’t mind staying behind too much because my home fills me with so many emotions that I do not have time to get bored.

This is in no way a piece intended to discourage people from starting a coliving project. I have no regrets. But it is important to know ’re getting into.

Being a coliver and running your own coliving space will be two widely different experiences.

So my advice would be, before you jump, maybe try it out for a while. See if you can shadow someone or volunteer at a space for six months. Put yourself in the shoes of the owner now that you know what it is to be in the shoes of the coliver.

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