Coliving is intense.
Even if you have experience with living in a community, joining a new one is always a bit of an emotional roller coaster.
There is excitement, hope, expectations, fears, and anxiety, there are needs to be met and surprises to be had.
It is “change”, and the older we get the harder it is to positively react to change. Or is it just me?
We get comfortable in our ways. Coliving questions that.
Coliving teaches us things about ourselves by throwing us into a situation and watching eagerly, while we figure it out.
When we get ourselves into something new, like joining a coliving for the first time, there is a sort of a timeline that can shrink or stretch depending on who we are and where we are going, but it usually has the same pitstops:
1. Getting your bearings
The first week(s) is/are usually overwhelming. Tones of new information, new faces, trying to remember names, finding your way in a new space, and understanding the social rules.
Everything is new and it can be a bit daunting. But eventually, after a few days for some, or a few weeks for others, we find our ways, we remember who is who, and where the laundry room is.
We got our bearings.
2. The Honey Moon
Once you have your basic needs covered (getting connected to the wifi and figuring out where to get food), the Honey Moon can start. Because what is left to discover is the fun bit.
New places and new people mean new ideas, new dishes, new excursions, new games, new movies, new songs, new deep talk and belly laughs, new workouts…
We want to try it all and give back just as much. Which means most of our awaken time is spent socializing.
We also try and show ourselves in our best light, at first at least. We want the people there to see us as fun, outgoing, eager to do things, and fully participating in the life of the space. We want to belong.
And so we say yes to everything in fear of missing out. To the point where we might put other important things on the back burner: friendships outside the community, our well-being routines, work even!
3. Burning the candle at both ends
Quickly after the honeymoon period comes the drop.
Of course, once again, this depends on how long you are staying in a particular community. I imagine you would have to be there for at least a month to truly experience it all fully.
Social burnout
Regardless of how extroverted we are, we all need some downtime at one point or another. If only to catch up on personal admin and work. But FOMO and HoneyMoon periods in a coliving make it difficult for all of us.
That is when some of us “crash”. Our body and/or mind says STOP. As nice as they are, we cannot imagine sharing another dinner or having another chatty cup of tea with someone. We just need to be on our own. Welcome to social burnout.
That’s ok. That’s good even. Because that is the first step towards JOMO.
A great skill to have when you live in a community.
Joy Of Missing out
JOMO to friends and family.
That is when you fully accept that you are missing something, and are content with that. You take pleasure in your down/private time, knowing others are having fun.
Not to brag but I have become a master in JOMO. Don’t get me wrong, I love hanging out with colivers and attending workshops, masterminds, and dinners but I have no problem staying by myself while something else is happening.
It is not something I was born with. It is something I learned through years of coliving. It is easy, there will always be a next time.
Of course, the risk is to completely retreat into your “cave” and actually miss out on a lot of important things.
Enter: Balance.
4. The Balancing Act
Ah, balance. The answer to pretty much every single plague of our time:
Diet? A balanced diet
Work/Life? Work-Life Balance
Extrovert/Introvert? Ambivert (so basically, balance)
Well, guess what, between FOMO and JOMO there is something we can call JOBO, the Joy of Balancing it Out.
Annoyingly there is no “one-size fits all” answer here. You need to figure out what balance means to you.
Your environment, your energy levels, and where you are at this point in life will impact that balance. It won’t always be exactly the same, that is why, with each new group, chances are you will go through the pitstops. But with experience, you will come to recognize them and overcome them faster each time.
I guess the takeaway of this one is: Don’t panic. It’s normal to feel ups and downs. Don’t be too quick to make decisions in these situations. Try and observe where you are on the Honey Moon - Burnout scale. And know that you are not alone in going through it.
The usual disclaimer that this is coming from inside my head based on personal and at times, professional past experiences. You might relate, or you might not. It’s ok. Do not hesitate to talk to me about it!
Thanks for reading! You could share this with a friend (or an enemy).