Pressure pushin' down on me
Pressin' down on you, no man ask for
Under pressure that brings a building down
UNDER PRESSURE
Pressure is everywhere: family, friends, social media, society,our own head…
Pressure to fit in, pressure to be what is expected of us, pressure to succeed, to be good enough, but also do be ourselves (but not too much), speak up (but not too loud), be kind (but not a pushover), be strong (but not take too much space)… all of that in the hope of not being rejected, mocked, abandoned or [insert your trauma of choice].
It brings stress and anxiety which more often than not paralize and overwhelm us, and is just very unhealthy in the long run.
There are different kind of pressure. The one we’re exploring today. is commonly called Peer Pressure.
The internet says it is:
Feeling like you have to do something because people around you want you to, or expect you to.
Peer pressure has a pretty bad rep. And fair enough, unless it’s a deep-tissue massage, receiving pressure from others is rarely nice.
It is also usually why we do the dumbest stuff:
start smoking
get a tattoo by the side of the road in Sri Lanka
Go out the day before the exam
Get “just one more drink” which tastes like a hangover
Run a half marathon in a storm
And why do we do it? Because we want to belong, or because we want to check that box.
How far can Peer Pressure take you?
Personally, it took me running from Bois de Vincennes to Paris Hotel de Ville and back in 2h04 min. I hated every minute of it. I haven’t run since. That was 7 years ago.
However, when well-measured, it can be a useful way to keep our procrastinating selves accountable.
THE PRESSURE THAT GETS US UNSTUCK
We never bother saying “negative peer pressure”, we say “peer pressure”. But there is a positive side to peer pressure we often forget about:
‘Peer pressure has a strong positive component. It provides the
social cohesion that allows the very development of communal
affiliation.’– Charles D. Hayes
And guess what?
Positive Peer Pressure is at its best in Community living settings.
Coliving offers an opportunity to let go of the negative pressure bit and focus on learning from the peers.
In Coliving you come across people and behaviors you would probably never have encountered otherwise and you quickly learn that different people awaken different sides of you as well as challenge you in areas you may be a bit too comfortable in.
How many times have we been inspired, moved, cheered on, or nudged by someone to do the right thing, and pursue goals we deemed unreachable?
And that in a lot of different areas:
productivity (I procrastinate a lot lately)
wellbeing (I spend way too much time on my phone and it’s quite depressing)
health (I haven’t worked out consistently in months)
sustainability ( I m being lazy with my shopping)
growth/belief in oneself (No way I can write another book)
All of those I have improved over our last 3 months of coliving:
we had 2 workshops on Time management and it has helped me tremendously re think what really was a priority for me. I have also started using a new tool for time and note keeping that seems to work best for me.
I spend more time with people, talking, walking, playing games when I colive which helps me reduce the amount of time I spend on my phone. They also help with their own tips to be more present. I’m now at 1h a day of Instagram maximum and I’ve kept it up. (It might seem like a lot but I work with it).
I have done yoga everyday since January 1st. And that is totally thanks to my housemates who have joined almost daily.
We have had a Waste workshop during which we discussed practical solutions for easy improvement in the house. andit has truly helped us as a group and also started a couple. oflonger projects we can’t wait to complete.
I say to anyone who will listen that I am a writer. Yet the time I dedicate to my writing is never on top of my priority list. My housemate decided to set a 2h block every Mondays and Wednesdays for us to write. It’s in the calendar and it happens.Thanks to our weekly writing hours I now have the outline of book 2.
And why is that?
Presence: we see each other everyday. We eat with each other every day. This time spent together daily is essential for checking in on each other and making sure we do what we said we would. And if we are stuck, we can talk about it and find solutions together.
Trust & Vulnerability: it is close to impossible to wear a mask when you leave with others for weeks on end. You have to show your true colors at one point. That’s the good bit, that is when we can start building trust, through vulnerability.
Only when we dare to open up about what we are struggling with can we benefit from each others’ gifts.Gifts: One of the best bit of living in community is sharing your gifts. We all have something we are good at that we can pass on.
From the top of my head in the last 2 months:
- Hannah taught Anton, Magalie and Nicko how to make bread, something they would probably not have had the energy to pick up on their own.
- Amir has been suffering from terrible backpain and Alisa gave him reflexology to bring some relief.
- Zoe and Yello built Patrick’s website and in exchange he wrote them a song.
From career guidance to matchmaking, I have seen it all.
And it works.
Always wanted to make your own bread? Hannah (center) or “bread Hannah” as she is known in the Coliving world spreads her gift everywhere she goes.