One of the recent strong storms reaching the southwest of the UK broke down* our heating system. As we waited for it to be fixed, we gathered ourselves around the fire with hot water bottles and blankets.
It made me reflect on the power of Chaos.
It’s When You're About to Lose it That You Most Value it
Back in August 2017, I moved into Tech Farm K9. Four months later, they told us we might have to move out, the whole thing was probably coming to an end.
While some housemates (understandably) decided to leave, those who stayed had no other choice but to come together and find solutions.
We had meetings, hackathons, and task forces. We worried a lot, but somehow we also cared for the same thing: keeping this place alive.
"Saving" the community and figuring it all out "on our own" made 2018 the most exciting year of K9 (as far as I'm concerned).
It was hard. It was challenging and it created the most beautiful moments of connection.
Back at Selgars, as we were trying to stay warm, we met frustration and maybe slight despair...but we've also laughed together more it seemed, and appreciated what we did have much much more (like discovering 1 shower still had hot water!), warmer days (from minus 6 to 13 degrees in a week!)… or style.
Desaster Free Neighbourliness
That's all fun and games for a few days, maybe months (with heating), but chaos is not something most of us want to sustain.
On the contrary, it is the urge to fix it that makes the Community thrive.
When Covid turned the world upside down, after the first overwhelming moments of fear came beautiful moments of connection. People found creative ways to reach out to each other and make the world smile. There was even a hope that this would change the world for the better…
But eventually, most of us were a little bit relieved to “go back to a certain level of normal”. And many initiatives that had been launched in times of need slowly lost traction.
From “we’re in this together”, we went back to “strangers danger”.
So it is fair to wonder, what happens to that genuine community feeling once it's all back to "normal"? Once we finally have comfort and safety again?
Many Communities are struggling to get back to the same engagement levels as when "chaos" prevailed.
talking to some of the old hands at K9 Coliving I can feel that something is missing today. Everything is going fine. It is almost a well-oiled machine now, 7 years in. But that also means there are fewer reasons for them to come together and brainstorm ideas.
So the question is, one similar to the one Lynn Morstead from CoHousing Houston, LLC asked a few years ago already on the "Humans Inside the Pods "podcast. She was referring to the feeling of community that emerged after the neighborhood came together to survive a hurricane.
Now that we know that, how to create chaos chaos-free community?
The good news is that it is possible to truly “feel” community without having to fight eviction or survive a hurricane. It just demands subtle touches of puppet mastering in the background.
Another kind of Chaos
Things we’ve never done before
When we say Chaos here, we do not always refer to a level 6 earthquake.
In Physics, chaos is defined as the property of a complex system whose behavior is so unpredictable as to appear random, owing to great sensitivity to small changes in conditions.
For the topic that interests us, we will keep the idea of “unpredictable” and “sensitivity to small changes in conditions”.
back in 2017, I ran my last half marathon. I was wet. I was cold. I was in pain and swore I was never running again.
2 weeks ago my housemate Ananda convinced me to run with her 3 times a week. And here I am. Running. And tomorrow I am mountain biking. Me. I do not even own a bike.
These are just one example of the completely unpredictable behaviors that coliving can unearth.
It can be softer on the joints too. Like a co-created painting or brushing a goat’s hair.
Anything that makes you go: “I never thought I would do that" but that you find yourself doing because somehow, somewhere, someone brought it up.
Emotions we’ve never felt before
ok maybe you have felt them before but you get to experience them on a much more regular basis.
I had heard of Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO) before joining a coliving. But only there did I experience JOMO. The JOY, of missing out. Taking time for myself knowing my friends are having a blast. And that’s ok. Because tomorrow will be great too.
I have also experienced incredible levels of gratitude, deep platonic love, colossal frustration, and even the end of a friendship that felt like a breakup.
I felt stronger than ever at times. I felt out of place and right where I belong at the same time.
People we’ve never met before
Like our dining table these days:
People from the US, New Zealand, Australia, England, Germany, The Netherlands, the UK, France, Belgium, Canada, India…
People under 30 and above 60.
People who are retired, looking for new jobs, going through a career change, people who write for a living, people who sing, play music, facilitate workshops, publish books, design websites…
People who run their businesses, people who never want to work in an office again, and even modern-day troubadours.
Well orchestrated chaos
Compared to “mainstream living (that is what we’ll call not living in a community here), one could argue living in a Community is always chaos.
And it might be true in some communities. In others though, it is an orchestrated one.
The welcome table
Last year Edo, founder of Sende, a rural coliving in Spain wrote a remarkable post. He explained that every time someone new arrived in the space, on the first day, he asked them to help with something. He took the simple example of moving a table.
Why is this important?
No hotel would ask you to do that. So clearly, you are somewhere else.
You are being taught right away that it is ok to ask for help.
You feel helpful. And you’re gonna wanna feel that again.
Avoiding the Pinterest trap
I wrote a dedicated piece about that one. But basically, the idea is to try and accept it will never be perfect and it is probably better that way. From imperfection comes inspiration.
And it also gives people the space to come up with their own ideas and solutions, and consequently feel more at Home.
A “Necessary Evil”
A great onboarding is key to a successful coliving experience. I will always swear by it.
However, onboarding can also be an overwhelming experience. If anything because of the sheer amount of information you find yourself having to digest, on top of all these people’s names you have to remember.
So we made the conscious (and disputable) choice to:
1. Do a soft onboarding face-to-face and have a more complete Notion board for everything else.
2. Not create a lot of hard rules.
For someone like me who freaking LOVES rules, it was a tough decision. But we have learned it is a necessary evil. Don’t get me wrong, we have structures. Things we can fall back on. But our answer to a lot of questions is: talk about it with the others.
Passed the discomfort of “not knowing” and probably (understandably) the frustration of “having to do the work”, people learn to figure it out on their own, or even better, with others.
For us, that means accepting it might not be how we would have done it. But that is why We can still grow from each Coliving season.
These are just a few of our “organized chaos” suggestions. There is probably so much more we are yet to discover.
What is your “favorite”, most “Community inducing” chaos situation?
*All good now. Our Bio Mass Boiler has a brand new chaos-free electrical panel.
This reminds me of Tribe by Sebastian Junger!
Adding to reading list